FridayOL

For years, I battled a relentless foe – health anxiety. It’s a condition that consumes you, twisting everyday aches and pains into catastrophic illnesses, and stealing precious moments with worry. My life revolved around scanning my body for signs of disease, endlessly Googling symptoms, and desperately seeking reassurance from doctors and loved ones. It was exhausting, isolating, and frankly, terrifying.

Then came the day my worst fears were undeniably confirmed. The words themselves are seared into my memory: a phrase delivered with clinical detachment that shattered the fragile peace I’d managed to construct. My immediate reaction was primal – a desperate cry for my mum, the instinctive need for a familiar, comforting presence. A nurse rushed to find her, and I collapsed into a sobbing mess, feeling physically ill with dread.

For those unfamiliar with health anxiety, it's more than just being a little concerned about your health. It's an obsessive, intrusive mental state where the fear of illness dominates your thoughts and behaviours. It’s a vicious cycle: anxiety fuels physical symptoms, which are then misinterpreted as evidence of serious disease, leading to even more anxiety. It’s a trap that’s incredibly difficult to escape.

Leading up to that devastating diagnosis, my life was a carefully choreographed dance around my anxiety. I avoided crowded places, fearing germs. I scrutinized every bodily sensation, searching for the tell-tale signs of impending doom. Doctor's appointments were a source of both hope and dread – hope for reassurance, dread of confirmation. My relationships suffered as my anxiety consumed my energy and attention.

The confirmation of my fears wasn't the end, but a painful turning point. It forced me to confront the reality of my situation and to acknowledge the severity of my health anxiety. While the initial shock was overwhelming, it also spurred me into action. I sought professional help – therapy and medication – and began the long, arduous journey of recovery.

It hasn't been easy. There are still days when the anxiety creeps back in, when the old patterns of behaviour resurface. But I’m learning to challenge those thoughts, to question my assumptions, and to focus on the present moment. I’m learning to accept that uncertainty is a part of life, and that not every ache and pain is a sign of something serious.

If you recognise yourself in my story, please know that you're not alone. Health anxiety is a common condition, and there is help available. Talking to a therapist, joining a support group, and practicing relaxation techniques can all make a difference. Don't let your fears control your life. Take the first step towards reclaiming your well-being. Reach out. You deserve to feel better. Consider speaking with your GP or searching online for mental health resources in New Zealand. Kia kaha – be strong.